Bringing home a cat is one of the best moments ever. Plus, you get the joy of watching him/her grow with your family. However, no matter how well-loved and taken care of your cat is, there is going to be the day we all dread most; the day when we have to say goodbye. Even in my 42 years, I have lost many beloved cats and each time, it breaks my heart.
However, I know I am not alone. We all grieve in our own ways during different periods in our lives. Yet, there are considered to be five stages of grieving {according to the Kubler-Ross model} and that doesn’t change.
So to appreciate the joy and compassion a cat brings, we must also endure the grief that will one day come our way. These 5 crucial stages of grief over the loss of a cat will help you to cope and to one day hold only happy memories of your cat in your heart.
5 Crucial Stages of Grief Over The Loss of a Cat
Denial
The moment we realize our pet has left our lives, we are usually in shock. We cannot even imagine our lives or routines without our pet. In our minds, we want to deny it even happened. We want to walk around the corner and see our cat sitting on her favorite bed as she always does, or near the favorite toy he always played with. Yet, this isn’t possible and because of that, we often want to numb away the sadness.
Denial Can Hit You Pretty Hard
We eventually start to come out of our self-induced reality and progress eventually to the healing stage of grief, but for each person the time within the denial stage varies. Give yourself the right to feel the sadness, but don’t let it overtake you. Keep remembering that your cat loved you and would not have wanted you to hurt for any reason.
Anger
You begin to feel anger over the situation itself, perhaps at your cat for leaving you, or even at the veterinarian for not being able to save her. You may feel angry at yourself for not having known he was sick, or even why God would take him away from you. I can tell you from experience that this stage can be a real tough one and one of the longest running.
Anger is a Natural Stage of Grief
You want to be able to blame someone or something for why your cat left. However, in the end, no matter how angry you feel, you cannot change the ending. Keep in mind that we can’t choose when we die and neither could your cat. Illness happens. For outdoor cats, getting hit by a car is always a possibility. There are also those times where we may never know what ultimately took the life of our beloved pet, but this is a part of grieving.
A Crucial Stage of Grief Over the Loss of a Cat
Bargaining
This is one stage that I find myself going back and forth in quite often. The stage where you lock yourself in the past and try to make the ending different. However, no amount of “what if” or “if only” will change the tale. You can’t bargain with the past and you can’t bribe the future. I often find myself wondering what I could have done to make things different. What if I had realized my cat had a blockage?
There is No Way to Bargain over Death
Would I have been able to save his life? What should I have done differently to save him? However, none of these matter. We are also prone to a lot of guilt during this stage and that too won’t change a thing.
Depression
Losing a beloved cat is a very sad and depressing situation. Once we realize that no amount of bargaining or guilt will save our cat, we get hit like a storm by depression. Don’t be ashamed to feel the hurt of it. It is okay to cry. You had this beautiful creature in your life for only what may seem like a short while, but your heart remembers.
We can all relate to feeling depressed over many things in our lives and in due time, it will pass. Be strong amongst the process and remember that you aren’t alone. Reach out to others for support and love. Remember that the crucial stages of grief over the loss of a cat aren’t a formula, but rather an expedition.
Acceptance
I wish I could tell you that acceptance means you are able to end the hurt and sadness of your loss. However, this isn’t the case. You simply learn to “live” with the loss; to function and to be able to smile again. You’ll learn to be able to wake up in the morning without crying the moment you realize your cat is not there. Your heart will always miss your cat. You will pass by where her favorite bed used to be and feel a tingle of sadness creep in.
You will decide on eating tuna fish for lunch and remember how much he loved to drink tuna juice. These moments are to be expected and are normal. The acceptance comes from knowing that your cat is gone and nothing you do or think will ever change that.
In the Loving Arms of Jesus
And I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Your Cat Made it to Heaven! They are in the loving arms of Jesus Christ and one day, you’ll get to snuggle them again as if no time has passed between you!
Keep in mind that these 5 stages are in no particular order and you may find yourself switching back and forth through them. Don’t set a limit on your grieving process. We are all different and need different things. However, always remember that your cat loved you and you loved her. Even death can’t take that away.
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Shelby says
Girl, why you trying to make me cry today?!
Monica says
Our kitties are a part of our family and like losing anyone, it is really tough. They’re so innocent and bring so much joy to our lives! 😥
Jeanette says
A friend of mine just lost her cat a couple months ago and she has definitely gone through all of the stages. She misses that cat so much that she has gotten to the point of acceptance now.
Nellie Blazina says
Animals are the sweetest when you need comfort. I couldn’t agree more.
Liz Mays says
Gosh, this is hard to think about! I can only imagine how difficult it is for someone to go through each of these stages!
Amy Desrosiers says
Aww, this is so sad to think about. I still remember when our beloved Lady was ran over on the highway…what a tragic thing for my mom to find! 🙁
Claudia Krusch says
It can be so hard to say goodbye to a pet. I have two cats and I can not imagine having to say goodbye. I love the cat bath photo.
Maria Carbone says
Losing my animals is one of my scariest thoughts. This will help so much when the time comes.
Dawn Lopez says
Losing a pet is just a horrible thing to go through. As much as it hurts it’s always nice when the stages are over and you can remember the happier times together.
Brianne says
Aw this makes me so sad. I imagine these stages are the same for dogs too and ours are so up there on their age. I am trying to cherish every moment!
Victoria says
Saying goodbye to a pet is so hard and these apply perfectly to any pet! We loss a puppy sometime ago and although she was only with us for a short time, it was one of the hardest things we had gone through at the time.
Ken and Linda says
We just lost our little sweetie Lucy. She was sick with cancer for 3 years, lived those three years as a bonus we always knew. She was 11 years old when her time to go to heaven came.. Hard, tears, sadness abound for now. Compounded to the great loss of her three companions last year, those memories flooding back. Helping is having the most compassionate vet. You will again smile at the memories in time.
Tara says
Losing a beloved pet is difficult. They are a member of your family so it’s only natural to go through the stages of grieving.
wen budro says
No……it never gets easier. These stages are spot on. I unexpectedly lost my dog on March 10th. It’s amazing the number of otherwise sensitive people who immediately want to put a limit on your grief. I lost count of the number of people who told me to just go to the shelter and get another dog. “It’ll make you feel better.” No. No, it won’t. Thank you for this post.
Kristen says
I am so sorry to hear this. And I know exactly what you are feeling. There is absolutely NO limit on grieving and honestly, it goes on for a lifetime. You loved your pup and love NEVER dies. You will snuggle again one day ….until then keep the happy memories close to your heart ..*smile
Erin F says
This is so true! I think these stages apply to all pets. It’s never easy to lose a member of our family. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the hardest. We just lost one of our senior dogs and even though it’s been 6 months it feels like 6 minutes.
Kristen says
I am so sorry Erin. It never gets easier, we just learn to tolerate it more. Your pup is in Heaven. I have no doubt whatsoever about that. *smile
Jennifer G says
This is true. I lost my cat when I was younger. I was 19 and had lived on my own for a long time and had my own little cat family. My one cat “bruiser” passed away from feline leukaemia and I was devastated. If that wasn’t bad enough my ex then stole my other cat and moved out and refused to give him back. I grieved a lot for both of them. It’s never easy to lose a family member, furry or not.
kathy downey says
Since i lost my last poodle 5 years ago i could never bring myself to get another pet,miss him so much !
Pawz Crossed says
I had bottle fed a 5 week old kitten and she had gotten distemper but survived it. Although, she had developed life long seizures on a daily basis. I tried all kinds of medication, spent countless amounts of money on her and put myself and my family in debt for a year. Until I couldn’t bare to watch her seize anymore. Most of her brain and herself wasn’t there anymore after so many seizures. I had to let her go and I still wonder if things would have been different if I didn’t choose the route I did.
Kristen says
I am so very sorry to hear this. You loved her and did the best you could. You will see her again…AT HER BEST …one day!
Calvin F. says
Will always remember my 4 cats that I lost, most to old age, but I will never forget them. The first cat I lost devastated me, especially because she left suddenly.
Kristen says
You will see them again one day….until then, keep the good memories close to your heart.
Debbie White Beattie says
I’m a real animal lover so when any of my animals have died it has sent me into a real depression. I wasn’t lucky enough to have my own children so my animals have become my surrogate children and I pour all my love into them.. I definitely go through the stages of grief and now as my cat and dog are getting older I sometimes find myself looking at them and I will start crying because I know what I’ll have to go through and how much I’ll miss them.
Thanks for the great post and now I’m crying again!
Kristen says
I cried reading your comment. I do that very thing as well. I look at them now and know how hard saying goodbye is going to be …. How lucky we are to have loved something so dearly…Meowy Hugs.
Linda H says
Losing a family pet is always so hard and sometimes people that don’t have pets don’t understand the grief that you go through.
Papia says
My cat has died early 7 months ago but I still feel totaly destroyed. It was my the first cat who has left very unexpectedly. I was in Italy when my mum called me that he has died. My whole life has changed and I cant help myself to be happy again..
Kristen says
Grief never takes a backseat. Losing a loved one is never easy nor will it ever be. The love you had for him will always remain and I do believe completely that one day…you will be with him again. In the meantime, keep the happy memories close to your heart and keep moving forward. I bet he even visits you in the quiet moments …..*smile
Michelle says
I lost my beloved cat Oscar in July. Although I have had many cats in my life he was my once in a lifetime baby. He was the love of my life and my soulmate. There are still times 8 months later when I think of him, see a picture of him, or talk of him and my heart breaks all over again.
Kristen says
I am so very sorry Michelle. He’s in God’s loving arms until you are reunited again one day…
Jb says
Thank you for this post my daughter just recently had to put her Male cat down due to a blockage and to expensive to fix him she is completely heartbroken and I am feeling a lot of sadness myself her cat was my cats father and I also think of her cats as my grand cats
I am definitely going to share what I have read here with her.
Kristen says
I can’t even express to you how SORRY I am to hear this. Cats are such a blessing and I have no doubt that her sweet kitty is in the arms of Angels right now, rocking it in Heaven!!!!!!!!!!
Janice Turner says
I just lost my cat 2 weeks ago. I cannot believe he is gone. He was the ling.
Kristen says
I am so sorry to hear this Janice!!! You will be with him again one day …. until then, hold the sweet memories close to your heart!
Carolyn says
I put my beautiful Cameo Persian to sleep on 5/20. I brought him home in his little furry bed. We plan a burial in a casket. I love him so much I am devastated. He was my darling, my sweet boy Dandelion. He is in our freezer and looks so precious, still. I look at him, there, everyday and pet his soft fur. I am so sad, I see his familiar places in the house. It’s so heartbreaking. What should I do?
Kristen says
I am so sorry for your loss Carolyn. Please know that your sweet Dandelion is in the loving arms of Jesus until the day you are reunited again. Hold the memories close in your heart until that day. Big hugs!
Cindy says
I just lost my cat recently. It is very hard, He was my everything. I found out he had Cancer Feb 2 2022 and had to put him to sleep May 2, 2022 He was only 11 and wanted him to live to 14 or 15 or beyond. It was so bad the last week. He stoped eating and drinking and hid. I knew the day would come, but of course your never ever ready for it when it does. The thing I am most angry at is the cancer. It is very hard to accept,
Kristen says
I am so truly sorry about your sweet kitty. Our cats are family to us and losing one is just as heartbreaking. You can never be ready to handle the grief and as you know, it never stops. But one day, you will be able to smile more over the memories you had with him. You WILL see him again one day. He is in the loving arms of Jesus until you are reunited again …. Sending hugs!
Ashley Heeter says
We lost our 6 month old kitty Cotton last night. He has a thromboembolism- out of nowhere. Killed him within an hour, the ER vet said the prognosis for this isn’t ever good. He received some pain meds and passed peacefully on his own. I cannot hardly process this still, 24 hours exactly from when I found him crying in pain partially paralyzed.
Nothings helping my heart heal in this moment. I just thank God for allowing me to be his kitty mom and for all the joy he brought to our family. That’s all I have..
Kristen says
I am so sincerely sorry for your loss Ashley. I know how devastating it is to lose a fur baby. He was very loved and I know without a doubt that one day, you will be able to snuggle him again! In the meantime, focus on the good memories and keep them close to your heart!
Kelly says
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this article. I needed to read the part about my beloved cat being in Heaven in Jesus’ arms. It’s so nice to finally come across a pet loss/grief article with a Christian theme.
This year, my oldest cat was diagnosed with cancer and she’s still with us, thank God. I’ve been giving her medicines and palliative care, and at times, it’s distressing/exhausting but worth it. After my oldest cat was diagnosed and given mere weeks to live, it was devastating, and my oldest cat’s daughter is who cheered us up and I called her our “support girl”. I wrongly assumed our oldest cat was the one that would die soonest, that her daughter would live a few more years. Last month, my oldest cat’s daughter is the one that died of an aggressive cancer. Months before she died, she was diagnosed with something mild (not cancer), and we thought it was that instead. I had the medicine and everything for her mom, and I could have used it for her too, if I had known.
We brought her to a different veterinarian and he diagnosed her with oral cancer. Her last few days, I fed her with a syringe. I put her fave cat nip plant close to her. Her love gave her the strength to climb several steps and I brought her up to my room where she slept. I opened the window and blind so that dappled sunlight went into her eyes, gently of course. We looked into each other’s eyes for hours. She replied with silent meows when I told her I love her and things of that nature. We brought her to another veterinary place, where she eventually passed away, on the way there was construction (long road with loud grooves) and she got scared. But I looked at her and said “I’m with you”. The veterinary place gave her medication and I felt so happy at the thought that maybe I’d get another night/day with her, like an elated feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time. After she passed I was in denial. I thought it was the medicine they gave her, that she’d wake up again. But there was that thought that, no, she won’t be waking up, this is it.
She was sweetness, personified..or catonified. When I looked at her, into her eyes, I could tell God made her. It’s hard to describe. And of course that’s true with other cats. I dread spring because I associate spring and Easter and bunnies and all things sweet with her. I also really dread losing my other cats and human family 🙁
Kristen says
I am so sorry for your loss Kelly and all you are dealing with right now. Thank you for being such a loving person for your kitties!! They have been blessed to have you in their lives. Jesus is waiting with open arms for when your oldest kitty is called home as well!!!!
Kelly says
Thank you so much for your reply Kristen, it helped a lot and was very comforting. Sorry for the late reply, but not even a week after I left that comment, my oldest sweetheart passed away. I don’t mean to put another really long and sad comment, but..
The night before my oldest cat passed, she cuddled in my lap for several hours, as we usually did for many weeks before her death (I only learned that night that there are both active and passive forms of dying). I carried her and held her, and walked out on the porch, and it was so quiet and peaceful. I showed her her fave ledge she would sit on. I moved some leaves with my foot, so she’d hear that pleasant sound. Back when she went outside for the first time, it was in the fall, and she was so scared that I’d play with leaves with her, to ease her fears of the outdoors. Anyways, it was only the night prior that she confidently and happily peed in the fall leaves (different pile, haha).
When morning came, it was so bright and sunny, her brother cat wanted out. As I let him back in and closed the door, I turned around and saw just about the sweetest moment ever. He went up to her, sniffed, and licked her mouth/nose area, as a final goodbye. I continued cuddling with her on my lap. A while later, I looked up at the clear blue sky through the window and felt like I was as ready as I could for her death…even though I’ve been crying everyday since (and before that, after her daughter died a month prior). Then it happened. She had a seizure, and I didn’t know if she needed space, so I quickly but gently moved her to the cushion beside me (I hope she didn’t feel betrayed that I moved her at such a moment. I just didn’t want to get clawed or something). I told her I love you, & God bless you, in case her hearing was the last sense to go (as they say with humans). Right before she took her last exhale, I moved to the other side of her, so that we could look into each other’s eyes. I don’t know how souls leave the body or exactly at which moment, I assume they go upwards to Heaven at the last exhale? I hope I didn’t somehow block or interrupt this by moving partially above her on my way around her. When I got to her other side, she had already exhaled her last during when I was moving.
I really, really miss cleaning her tumor wound during her bath time, and doing her bandaging everyday (she was so patient, and relaxed her muscles when I spoke to her during these sessions). I pray to God that the antibiotics that I gave her didn’t cause her kidneys to fail, which might’ve happened. It was either: I give her anti-cancer medicine, or fight the infection (the medicines weren’t safe to combine). I didn’t want to end the antibiotics early, due to antibiotic resistance. The veterinarian gave an antibiotics dose much longer than normal, since the infection was very bad. When we finished the previous dose, there were a couple of days off, but that made it so much worse. I couldn’t wait to be done with the next dose, so it would clear, and we’d be back to fighting her cancer. Near the end, I discovered another tumor, so I feel also to blame for that, since I couldn’t give her the anti-cancer medicine.
I don’t know how I’m going to emotionally deal with normally happy holidays like Christmas, or birthdays, etc. To not have her greet me when I come home really hits me hard, this sweet cat girl with bandaging on walking around happily. I really miss holding her, petting her, cuddling, everything. I couldn’t even partake in Thanksgiving cooking like I usually do. It feels wrong to celebrate when I miss both those little sweethearts.
God bless you for this webpage Kristen.
Kristen says
I know how painful this is Kelly! You lost not one furbaby, but two in such a short period of time! Can you just picture the reunion they had together in Heaven? They want you to celebrate Christmas as Jesus is totally the reason for the season! Their first Christmas in Heaven is sure to be something AMAZING! I know it hurts and your heart longs for them but keep their memories in your heart until the day you snuggle them again!!!!! May the Christmas Season bring you peace and love!!!
Kelly says
You’re right, and yes I will celebrate Christmas, as Jesus is the reason for the season. I meant to say it felt wrong to celebrate Thanksgiving without them, and can’t help but feel like Christmas will probably increase the feelings of hurt, loss, and of missing them. But you’re right, their reunion and their first Christmas in Heaven puts everything into a greater perspective. I will absolutely always treasure their love and the joyful memories with them in my heart. I thank God that He brought such sweethearts into my life.
Thank you for your lovely reply. May the Christmas Season bring peace and love to you too, Kristen 🙂
Kelly says
If I may add – as part of the grieving process, sometimes I struggle with guilt, like I don’t deserve to be happy. I feel like I killed my eldest cat because she likely went into kidney failure, due to the long dosage of antibiotics given by the vet for the infection. I was scared if the infection would get into her blood stream, and cause shock, necrotic tissue, and/or death. I tried other remedies before then, but only that stuff helped. I looked up the specific kind and it didn’t say anything about causing kidney failure.
There was always some infection left, and I kept anticipating when it would finally clear. Then, after I finished the dose, my cat showed signs of kidney failure. Plus since both antibiotics and anti-cancer medicines could not be used together safely, her cancer progression also feels like my fault (new tumor found near her death), as I chose the antibiotics.
Everyday I question if I should’ve stopped the antibiotics early and re-started her anticancer medicines. Then I remember that brief 2 day period, when she didn’t have antibiotics as she finished her previous dose right before her veterinarian appointment, and the infection got soo bad. Still, maybe I should’ve tried something different..
Kristen says
Kelly, It’s normal to feel guilt and regret over how things played out. However, remember that guilt/shame/regret aren’t from God. He loves you and he knows what is in your heart. You did the very best you could for your kitties and they are happier than ever right now in Heaven! It is said that a day in Heaven is a 1,000 years down on Earth, which means that your kitties will only feel your absence for a few seconds at best when the day comes! You have so much love in your heart and when the time is right, welcome another kitty into your life to love them and give them a beautiful life!
Kelly says
We think alike, because near their deaths, I told them both about how one day in Heaven is like 1000 years on earth. That the dying process is but a small amount of time, that the next part will be an eternal Paradise with Jesus. I never realized that to them, once they reached Heaven, it won’t feel like much time has passed by the time we reunite. What a beautiful realization!
I did try my very best for them, especially to make things comfortable for them when they were most vulnerable.
I sincerely appreciate this article and your helpful responses, Kristen. God bless and Merry Christmas to you and your family including your furbabies 🙂
Kristen says
Wishing you the Meowiest Christmas Kelly!! And I love chatting with you!
Christine Donato says
My cat Ruby Tuesday was so loving and comforting.I had been through a lot, In the past few years I lost my mom and my aunt, they were my last left of my family members, expect for Ruby. It was now just me and my cat, we only had each other. It was hard but I was getting by with Ruby by my side. Not even a year later Ruby was acting odd, not like herself. That same day I brought her to the vet ,not even imagining it was anything that serious, as soon as I got her there they took her in right away. Ruby ended up passing away right on the vets table. I completely lost it ,and I was not even given the reason why,they told me at 13 years old it was just her time. I have never been right since. I am depressed, cry everyday and aside from the pain of losing her it seems that the other family I had loss is hitting me all over again. It is just me now,I never in my life ever thought I would be left alone in this world with no family at all.
Kristen says
I cannot even begin to express how truly sorry I am at your loss of not only Ruby, but your loved ones! I know they would all want you to carry on and have a good life. You deserve happiness and have such a kind heart! You had 13 glorious years with Ruby and so thankful that she didn’t have to suffer. It was quick and then boom, she’s with Jesus! Have you considered adopting another kitty? A rescue kitty would need you as much as you may need her?