We grow up being taught the importance of love thy neighbour. Our teachers, parents and role models spread this message throughout our childhood and into our teens. However, once we find ourselves out of high school and relating in the real world, we start to evaluate love thy neighbour; often piecing it apart into a version we find more fitting to our lives.
Still, many people hold on to the childhood directive – the more friends you have, the better off you are. At 34 years of age, I can say without hesitation that people pleasing isn’t going to do you any favours. In fact, you need to know that it is okay to NOT be friends with others. SAY WHAT!?
People Pleasing
I recently went to my first official blogger conference. Getting the opportunity to be face-to-face with those whom I have only spoken with online was amazing to me. There are several aspects to a person that you can’t even begin to evaluate until you spend real time with them.
Thankfully, the majority of those I spent time with where just as fabulous in-person as they have been online! Yet, there were also those whom I found to be the people pleasers. They are the ones who want to be friends with everyone, but are really just setting themselves up for complete failure as a friend.
In a perfect world, everyone could be hugging it out. However, this is our reality. We will all be faced with those who share different values, ideas and moralities, both on and offline. We will find ourselves standing in the dead-center of a conflict whether we put ourselves there or not.
We will also determine who we value enough to consider friends and who we choose to keep at arm’s length. However, people pleasers skew the lines. They are willing to do and say about anything for a new “friend” or contact. They feed off the drama, but claim to avoid it.
The fine line between friend and enemy isn’t there. They see a value in each different friendship situation and as long as they stay out of the cross-fire, they can continue on as the innocent third party.
Online, people pleasing is confidential. You can hide your sideways chatter within private messages and emails. However, in person, everyone can see you whispering with one, only to quickly run on over to the other. The very honesty you profess is quickly diminished by your actions. A real friend draws a line in the sand and holds your hand. A people pleaser crosses it.
Paula schuck says
well said my friend. I think there are lessons here for my girls too. One is a people pleaser. One is not. You can guess which is which. Lol. I think we each have a bit of people pleaser in us though. The trick is getting it under control and also identifying who we can trust.
Doris Calvert says
Totally agree,my problem is if I have a problem with someone online or in person I tell them, I have done this as a child,I do it so no one can say you are a back stabber and talked behind my back, it’a trait in people I hate and if I see it once that’s it for me no more friends online or in person. but that gets me in a ton of trouble it seems no one likes that or can’t believe you did that but hey at lest you know if your my friend I am on your side and am not gossiping about you 🙂
Elizabeth Matthiesen says
Yes, I’ve met plenty of people pleasers in my time. Those who are real friends help when help is needed – I now know who is my true friend and who was just being a people pleaser and it did astonish me to discover how many there were, which is very sad.
jira han says
Really I don’t care if I have a lot of friends. My sister always rubs in how much friends she has, however, it doesn’t matter. Having more friends doesn’t make you a better person or “one of the cool kids”. In elementary, I was made fun of for the friends I have “outcasts”. Then when I got to middle school I wanted to change that, but it only ended in utter failure. She would only talk to me when she wanted to copy my homework, but during the time I didn’t realize I was just being used. I thought I was ” one of the cool kids” in school since I was “friends” with them. However, a few years later, I got tired of it- I wanted to stop being used to copy off. Obviously, none of them talked to be after that, not even acknowledge me if we pass by each other. I realized that who cares what people think. If I’m happy with the people I become friends with, I shouldn’t care what other people think- that is true friendship.
Kristen says
Exactly. We live and learn. I am glad you came out better for it all in the end!!!
Laurie P says
Great post!!
Choose wisely people!
kathy downey says
I so enjoyed this post,its so true