I had a conversation today about the hurt left behind when a close friendship ends. I know that each one of us has been in that sort of situation. A situation where you have to come to terms that, for any number of reasons, a friendship is over. Whether the friendship spanned decades or months, its lost can break your heart.
The interesting part is found in the realization that the pain feels all-to-similar to that of losing a relationship. We have all had our heart broken and found ourselves wondering “why did this have to happen to me” or the ever popular “but why don’t they love me.” Obviously, both scenarios cause pain in one way or another. Even if we are the one in the friendship that chooses to remove ourselves, it still hurts. We still feel emptiness in some aspect that the friendship had previously filled.
I think what must be kept in mind with a friendship is that people are always growing and changing. Our experiences and life-stories change from day-to-day, so why not the dynamic of the friendship itself? For example, a friendship may have been based on a shared hobby or activity.
Yet, when one friend decides to move on from that, where does that leave the friendship. The strength that lies within a bond is only as good as the glue holding it together. I am sure each one of us can think of numerous people who have come into our lives and found ourselves saying, “why in the world did I have anything to do with that person” or “what was I thinking?”
Well, the person filled a need in your life. They shared a bond that was strong at that particular time for one reason or another. Maybe you needed a gym buddy, maybe you needing someone to talk to, maybe they came into your life as a roommate, or whatever the reason may have been.
I will admit that I have had to say goodbye to important friends in my life. I will tell you that I wish them all the best in the world and still think about them. Yet, I had to come to terms with the fact that “what they brought to the table” was not appealing and the person they had been (or the illusion I had created as to who they were) was no longer there (or had never existed in the first place).
Now, do not think I am an advocate for giving up on people, because I am not. But, I do believe that we need to surround ourselves with those that bring good things into our lives. When you find that the friendship starts to contain lies, distrust, manipulation, or simply taking advantage of you, then you need to wish that person all the best in the world and depart.
You need to realize that as much as it hurts, you cannot change the outcome. Do not ask yourself what you could have done to change things because the answer is nothing. What happened happened. You will always have some good memories and that will never change.
Life brings new people into your lives everyday. Whether they stay in our lives for only a moment or for a lifetime, they each leave a little something behind. So take that and make something good come from it. And always remember, that you have no control over the past, but can let the lessons of the past guide your future….♥
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